


everything is not okay

by crumpledwitchfeet, IWannaCustardBurst



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angsty-er than I expected ngl, Bittersweet/Hopeful ending, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, MCD is Alden, Post Series (Theoretically), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24805639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crumpledwitchfeet/pseuds/crumpledwitchfeet, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWannaCustardBurst/pseuds/IWannaCustardBurst
Summary: She was meant to be the moonlark. She was meant to be strong.She wasn’t strong enough to save him.The green dress swishes past her ankles, a stark reminder of why she’s here.Sophie hates it.It looks so perfect, so serene, as if nothing bad has happened in forever. As if, not two days ago, she and her friends weren’t fighting for their lives against the neverseen as the rest of the lost cities slept snug in their beds. As if she’s not at a funeral.Or: Keefe and Sophie have a habit of finding each other in weird places, at strange times. This instance, it helps.
Relationships: Sophie Foster/Keefe Sencen
Kudos: 24





	everything is not okay

**Author's Note:**

> This idea seized me at 11pm at night a few days ago and I started writing without thinking and it kind of....spiralled. This hasn’t been edited at all so it’s likely riddled with mistakes, but I’m actually proud of it! So I figured I’d share.
> 
> [note: I’ve tagged this as two creators, but there both one person (me). I made one account for my IWannaCustardBurst tumblr - purely kotlc focused - and there’s another general one, not a good idea and it makes things more complicated, but when I write for keeper I’ll tag it as 2 creators so it shows up under each, but custard remains with only keeper content!]
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not Shannon Messenger! This is not my interpretation of how keeper will go, it’s merely and au fic that you can all enjoy!

**everything is not okay — keeper of the lost cities**

  
THE LEAVES crunch under her feet as she walks - for once not bothering to stay quiet - across the forrest floor. The clearing is beautiful, all dappled light and flowing trees and bright, blooming flowers. The sun is high in the sky and the world looks clear in a way it hasn’t for so long.

Sophie hates it.

It looks so perfect, so serene, as if nothing bad has happened in forever. As if, not two days ago, she and her friends weren’t fighting for their lives against the neverseen as the rest of the lost cities slept snug in their beds. Her toes curl. It’s not like it’s their fault really, they don’t know what happened. They don’t know that at fifteen years of age she has seen a friends heart stop, that her own heart has done so many a time, since she came to the elves. She closes her eyes.

She supposes, in some way that she should not bother to dwell on it. It only hurts her more in the long run. When she thinks back on what happened it is almost as if she is there, reliving it. Her chest pounds and her pulse quickens and the strong and immediate anxiety hit makes her stomach flip. When it happens, Sophie can almost swear that the dark shadowy monster is hiding in the crevices of her mind just waiting to strike. She hates feeling like prey, weak and vulnerable. She is meant to be the moonlark. She is meant to be strong.

She wasn’t strong enough to save him.

The green dress swishes past her ankles, a stark reminder of why she’s here.

The ceremony is different than it was the first time, back when Alden was broken and not dead. Back when she could still hold out hope that he would make it through. That she could pull him through. A tear rolls down her cheek. Biana and Fitz will certainly be up-front with their mom. They had wanted to have Sophie sit there too, with Keefe and Dex, who Sophie suspected could only handle the awkwardness so he could help Biana. But she had said no. She didn’t want to see it. She would stand a few rows back with Grady and Edaline, who she knew would be there if she needed them. 

It felt wrong to admit it, but she hadn’t wanted to come. It was just too hard. Less than a week ago Alden had been alive. He had blood that flowed through his veins and he was warm to the touch, not cool like a corpse. Seeing his planting ceremony (that didn’t even involve a planting, mind you) just added salt to the wound. She could hardly hold it together anyways, always crying at inopportune moments, without the funerals to add to it. But she had to be there for Fitz and Biana – and Della too, even if she couldn’t stomach sitting at the front with them. She sniffed, and Edaline who was walking behind her reached out a tentative hand to squeeze her shoulder. Sophie leaned into her, twisting around and burrowing her head in her mom’s shoulder.

“Oh honey, “ Eda whispered, rubbing her back and fighting tears herself, “come here.” She pulled her into a hug. Sophie could feel wetness on her cheeks. She wasn’t surprised at all that she was crying again

“I- I just miss him” she mumbled into her mom’s shirt, voice cracking.

“I know, oh I know sweetheart,” she wiped at her cheeks, “I miss him too.” Now within earshot of their conversation, having walked over from where Marella and Linh were with Tiergan, Grady shifted slightly toward them, wrapping his arms around both their shoulders and squeezing.

“We all miss him, kiddo. Won’t be the same without him.” Sophie could see the sorrow etched into his face, plainly. Grady and Alden had had their problems but they had always seemed close to her. This just confirmed it. Her stomach was still churning, though it wasn’t as violent, and though her legs shook, she stood almost steadily.

She blinked furiously, all the crying that had occurred since the day begun had led to a headache forming. It was almost on par with the headaches she had constantly back when she was living in with humans and had to hear their thoughts. 

Alden had been a telepath like her too.

The thought resonated in her brain and her eyes burned with tears. She couldn’t stay here. Maybe she could disappear and collect herself before the ceremony commenced.

“I- ,” she choked on her words, “I think I’ll just go…see some of the others” she finished lamely. Any excuse to escape their questioning.

Grady and Edaline hadn’t been there when Alden had died. It had only been Sophie and Keefe, who had been sent on a reconnaissance mission with the older elf. They were meant to infiltrate the neverseen through Ravagog – the ogre’s capital city. The plan had been simple. They had altered their appearances with products from Slurps and Burps, dressed in neverseen cloaks and captured three minor neverseen agents and their driver. The identity theft had made both Alden and Keefe excruciatingly uncomfortable, Sophie knew, though she found it hadn’t affected her nearly as greatly. Just another side-effect of her unusual upbringing, she supposed. Everything had gone according to plan until Gethen had peaked into her mind (past her supposedly impenetrable mental defences) and discovered their true identities and intentions. Everything had spiralled from there.

No one had been privy to how the confrontation had gone down. Sophie had been borderline catatonic when she and Keefe had returned to Everglen post-battle, and he had taken it upon himself to stop them questioning her.

He had lied.

For her.

It still shocked her. It shouldn’t have, really. They had lied for each other countless times before, whether to escape detention or to cover when disobeying Mr.Forkle’s orders. This time it was different though. He should have blamed her like everyone else would have. Like no-one did. Oh how Sophie wished they would blame her. It would be so much easier. If they blamed her she could hide away and not speak and not have to feel the guilt tearing at her insides. She didn’t have words to describe how awful she felt about how they didn’t know. She suspected that Keefe felt the same way she did. He had called her over imparter every night since the incident. He had it just as bad as she did. Whilst she felt added guilt because she was the reason things had happened as they did, he felt it because he had lied to the Vackers and everyone else. And this time it was everyone. Sophie had discovered how to block out Mr.Forkle a month previous, so even he had no clue that their cover story wasn’t real. Keefe was the only one who understood why she was the way she was today. The others understood on base level of course, but he knew all the complexities of her emotions and as much as she wanted to hate it, it wasn’t just because he was an empath.

Ignoring her parents worried looks and furtive glances at each other, she forced herself forward and away from the clearing, heading in the direction of the dark, sweeping trees that lined the area in shadows. She walks briskly, as quick as she dares and as quietly as possible, a habit she hasn’t yet broken. It’s weird to think that she doesn’t have to be silent anymore. Weird to realise she doesn’t have to be battle-ready and tense at all times. 

It is cooler in the shade than it was in the glen and Sophie welcomes the change with open arms. Her dress feels too stuffy, the velvet too thick, and the collar too high. It is a relief to be out of the sun at last.

Keefe is waiting for her (or at least- she hopes he is) by a gnarled stump, some 70 metres away from the others. He is wearing a mint green jerkin, a stark contrast to the darker forrest green of her dress, and dark trouser-pants. His hair is floppy, dead-looking in the way she associates with when he is in a worse mood. From where she stands, she can see the frown, and the tears, and the smirk that is decidedly not there. It breaks her heart a little. She moves to go to him, when a snap cracks through the woods like a firecracker. She stepped on a twig. Keefe swivels around to face her, eyes wide. She feels the same, even if she was the one who made the noise it still thoroughly startled her.

“Foster,” he says startled, “hey.” His voice trailed off at the last second as if he had wanted to say something else, but hadn’t. Sophie tried not to feel awkward at that. She stared at the tips of her boots, voice suddenly thick with tears. Keefe cleared his throat. “Uh, you can..come sit”. He gestured at the stump, slumping down with his back to it and patting the space behind him. Tentatively, Sophie stepped forward and walked over to him, sitting on the hard-packed ground, and pulling her knees up to her chest.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” Keefe affirmed, not sounding any happier than she did. “How you holding up, Foster?”

“I’m- ”, she paused and broke off, “I’m..not great” she admitted reluctantly. She looked up at him hopefully. “You doing any better?” 

“A little”, he muttered, though his general appearance hinted at the contrary. He tried for a smirk, though it came out crooked. “Green’s not really my colour.” Sophie snorted out a laugh. It sounded like she was choking, though Keefe seemed happy that she was smiling, so she guessed it was okay. It felt bad to laugh when everyone (herself included) was sad. When she was the reason they were sad. But there were precious little moments of laughter nowadays, and she couldn’t help but take it.

“No”, Sophie agreed, “You look better in red.” If Keefe was as shocked as she was that she’d noticed, he didn’t show. He just grinned, and raised a singular cocky eyebrow.

“Mhm, says the girl who looks better in red than anyone else I’ve met”, he smirked, and Sophie blushed.

“Are you sure?” She teased, she was certain both Biana and Linh looked better in red, though admittedly it wasn’t quite Marella’s colour. Keefe nodded solemnly.

“Oh, yes. It’s quite a tragedy. You’ve dethroned me as ‘best in red’” he replied in a voice so low and ridiculous, Sophie burst out laughing.

Keefe’s face was flushed oddly red and it was only then that Sophie realised how close they were and suddenly she felt oddly overloaded in the sense department. Her skin tingled in all the places she was pressed against him, and the way his face had softened had her cheeks reddening with warm blood at an alarming rate. She ducked her head, blonde hair hiding her surely tomato-level face (and, although she wouldn’t admit it, a teeny-tiny smile).

And - as soon as the moment had begun - it was over. A faint chime sounded in the distance, signalling the start of the ceremony. Sophie’s gut twisted painfully. Looking at Keefe she saw a familiar strained look marring his beautiful face (though marring was the wrong word, Sophie loved all his expressions). It was the same look she saw whenever she looked in the mirror.

They really were quite similar.

“We should probably head over”, Keefe muttered, holding out a hand for her. She took hold of his wrist and stumbled to her feet, ever clumsy. Her palm tingled at the contact, and she resisted the urge to pull away. It was a good kind of weird feeling.

Things were still painful, and she still felt as if her world was a swirling mass of dark thoughts and creeping monsters, but with his hand in hers it was as if they were in the eye of the tornado, rather than being swept away with the masses of wind and rubble. And maybe - just maybe - she could see the way out.


End file.
